BEGINNERS GUIDE TO BEING A CAM GIRL (NSFW)

Getting a real part-time job as a waitress or a shop assistant is boring and time consuming.

Your student loan won’t cover everything – the measly amount the government lends you just about covers your rent and not much else. So, what are you gonna do, get a real part-time job? Sell your soul to the retail or catering devil? Nope, there’s another way to earn some extra cash to fund your casual synthetic drug addiction.  How about becoming a cam girl? Sure, you might have to distort some of your values, but it’s all about empowerment and being independent, right?

UNDERWEAR

This is important. You don’t want to be revealing too much on your free page. It’s a bit like dating – you shouldn’t give away too much too soon. Even creepy guys who trawl the net looking for girls who touch themselves want a bit of a chase. Men are weird like that.

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CONVERSATION

Being a cam girl also requires some sort of positive social skill and the ability to small talk. You need to be available for conversation with your audience. I suggest you talk about neutral topics, such as the weather and what you like doing in your free time. Not only are you earning money by casually chatting with strangers, but this probably means the masturbation bit (the most yucky part about the whole thing) might be a bit shorter, as he’s had longer to think about doing nasty things to you.

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SURROUNDINGS

Do not neglect this. You need to stand out from all the other girls who are cam-ing. The sad truth is, the other girls probably do it all day long and it’s their only income. But, there’s competition in any form of work, so don’t think about your #firstworldproblems. You need to make sure you are comfortable and that your surroundings seem warm and inviting. Nobody wants to do the deed looking at a clinical turd-filled toilet or a sparse grey bedroom with kids running around.  Besides, people who are into things like that, probably know a bunch of disgusting niche sites that do that stuff already.

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SEX

You might be lucky and so incredibly stunning that just a glimpse of your diamond box will be enough to tip your audience over the edge, which will help you get paid and enable you to move on to better things. Unfortunately, not all of us are blessed with the beauty of a child whose parents are Beyoncé and David Gandy, so you might have to get a bit dirty. If you really don’t want to be doing it for too long, warm him up with lots of dirty convo: talk about how much of a slut you are and how much you want his scarily large penis inside your vagina.  If that doesn’t work, light some candles and lie back and think of Ryan Gosling while you finger your cam-partner with a 16 inch rubber dildo.

So that’s it, girls – you’ve got more than enough to get you started on the road to cam-girl stardom. Don’t forget the obvious risk that you’re submitting your naked body and real face to the internet. So use fake names and fake locations – you don’t want to come home after a night out to find Miguel from Brazil outside your door, waiting to surprise his favourite cam-girl with a box of chocolates and bottle of GHB.

(ps: if you’re emotionally unstable, please DO NOT become a cam girl – attention from gross men will not help your self-esteem and nobody likes a needy bitch.)